Expectations lead to disappointments...
This is a lesson that I've learned over and over again. I suppose that's because I keep forgetting it.
This morning I was reminded yet again of this simple concept.
I was awake and managed to escape the bed without waking my 9 month old by 5:55am. I started boiling water for coffee, went to the restroom, and made it into the shower. The water felt great and was raining down on my waking body. I brushed my teeth (yes in the shower) and lathered my hair with conditioner when I heard that sound...
the cry coming through the baby monitor and saw a little head pop up in the darkness...I quickly rinsed my hair and mouth. The baby's cries get louder so I rushed out of the shower, dripping wet..yanking my towel and robe off the hooks and sloshed to the nursery to comfort my baby..
Expectation/Disappointment #1: Expecting to complete my shower caused me to feel disappointed because I didn't get to finish. I felt super uncomfortable, still soaked while nursing the baby back to sleep.
Coming Back To Now: I remembered to take some deep breaths, allowing myself to relax with each exhale. I let go with each out breath and returned to the present, choosing to let go of any thoughts for the moment and rest in the quiet space.
After about ten minutes he fell asleep and I was able to sneak away yet again. I poured the boiling water into the French Press and proceeded into the living room where I found a Yoga With Adrienne video to do from YouTube. The practice that I chose wasn't a typical flow rather a grounding practice that centered around five poses. We started sitting cross legged and focused on the breath, allowing our root to rest evenly on the floor. After a few conscious moments of breathing I heard that sound again. The baby was up...again...
Expectation/Disappointment #2: Because I had just fed him and put him back to sleep, I expected to, at the very least, be able to complete my 20 minute yoga practice. I felt frustrated and disappointed.. eventually noticing my mind throwing a tantrum like a two year old..
Coming Back To Now: Thankfully having just practiced focusing on my breath during the few minutes of the yoga video I did watch, it was easy enough to come back to my breath and let go of any thoughts and frustrations. I chose to use the time nursing to meditate, practicing being in the present moment by listening to the white noise machine and letting go of all thoughts..this time, a little more aware when I drifted off into thoughts and therefore able to bring myself back to the quiet space more quickly.
He fell asleep and this time I went back to my mat with zero expectations of completing the video.
I made it through another pose or two when you guessed it..he woke up again.
No Expectation. No Disappointment.
This time I went into the nursery with a little more grace and no disappointments because I had finally embraced what is, as is.
I didn’t expect him to fall back to sleep this time, yet he did.
I didn’t expect to finish my practice but I did and had time to write half of this blog.
He slept for about an hour and a half, allowing me the quiet time that I had been wanting and finally received after letting go of any expectations.